“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”

“His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity”

“I would not allow this employee to breed”

“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap”

“When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet”

“He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle”

“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them”

“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot”

“This employee should go far, and the sooner the better”

“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together”

“A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus”

“He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless”

“He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier”

“He has knack for making strangers immediately”

“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room”

“If you see 2 people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one”

“A photographic memory but with the cap over the lens”

“A prime candidate for natural deselection”

“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it”

“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming”

“Has 2 brains, one is lost, the other is out looking for it”

“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week”

“If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change”

“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean”

“It’s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000 other sperm”

“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled”

“Takes him 12 hours to watch 60 Minutes”

“The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead”

Be a real man!  Be there for your peeps! Be strong for your lady and your baby!

Ladies do right by your man and he’ll do right for you!

I don’t with fake people, I’m real and I’m cutting out all the fake from my life!

Are you guys kidding me? What is it about an open forum with people supposedly listening that promotes people to give unwarranted life advice?

The problem with this is twofold.

1. You will be scrutinized, so more likely than not your advice will be dismissed out of hand because you aren’t following it yourself.

2. You’re rephrasing something we call common sense typically in a more simplistic manner than would need to be said. If you have to tell people these things then damn…

A man on patrol brings back a puppy he doesn’t realize is dying back to the fort, he is warned but misses its moment of death and is bitten. Selfishly refusing to kill himself he waits. After 30 minutes he realize that he has grown weaker but hasn’t turned into a zombie.

Man goes on patrol again and it is botched leading to a retreat, they are escaping except one young female catches up to them as man goes to kill her she breaks through to him.

(When someone tries to push a zombie away by force to their neck or upper body they are bitten because of a lightening quick almost snake like turn of the zombie’s head or lunge)

He is bitten in front of the team. He has only moments to convince them he won’t change and has been bitten before. They check his vitals and notice a slowed pulse and that he is cold instead of the sudden increase in pulse and body heat of the recently infected.

Wound is concealed by team and he is snuck into the compound which was once a hospital and its grounds.

(Hospitals are usually deathtraps in zombie situations)

The leader happens to be a female scientist. After examine the man and his blood she is convinced he is immune to the zombie virus. Though she notices some other strange properties about his blood and the way it is attacking and destroying the virus but appears to be “eating” the blood in the infected sample. As she is smiling up at the man looking up from a microscope she looks into his mouth and screams. Several of the team members loyal to the man rush into the lab as she stutters and tells them to look at his mouth.

They discover fangs.

Using man made vampires to stop a zombie outbreak it could happen.

NUMBER 5: ‘They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.’

NUMBER 4: ‘This is just a 15-minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to.’

NUMBER 3: ‘Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!’

NUMBER 2: ‘Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?’

Number 1: And my all-time Favorite: (Raising your head slowly) ‘… in Jesus’ name, Amen.’

Was at PAX remember going up stairs same design as staircase at home

Tried to get ahold of girlfriend, unable to funny joke from friends about international problems,

Incorrect text to girls (I could read it) something about needing to do homework on her, gets turned into basically inviting her to a class

Invited too many girls to class they barge through a front door afew dudes show

Alpha male story on picnic tables infront of a rest stop

Fight strong guy (fought to my knees can’t win) tell him I will do nothing but work to become stronger and in 5 years will destroy him. Tell the guys there that they aren’t true alpha males but simply dumb animalistic guys females are genetically programmed to respond to.

Fight weak guy (push him up against gas pump he pulls a knife) I see a guy I know behind weak guy and ask him to toss me a gun he does but I miss it and it slides, we both run for it.

Killed weak guy as we get to gun I refer his knife and stab him in the chest with it.

Try to get phone number for 911 off an armored car

Called 911 call interrupted by cars fleeing hurricane flood I yell to her that someone has just driven off a bridge, a huge flood of water carries people and cars through a tunnel under the freeway that is below the raised rest stop

911 operator doesn’t hear I killed man because disaster gets to her

Stay at rest stop for a day or two it is all white I don’t remember other people there, its all white and to reach outside had to go through an empty room shaped exactly garage from home including going through the backdoor which would normally lead to the garage.

Wake up one morning to find guys stealing things from car, guy is standing at trunk of car lifting out t shirts and other equipment, somehow I know laptop isn’t in there.

They had another Z4 and were using a key I see 3 guys despite Z4 being a two seater

I try to chase them but something is wrong with my car (seat missing)

I can’t move fast enough despite them being on some kind of scooters now Z4 guy drove off

See them in red sports car they pile into with the scooters.

Police copter attempts to kill them with blades of rotors

I you turn and see car missing copter crashing something tells me to turn left

Down an alley. Catch up to criminals demand to be accepted into car stealing gang

Old man says funny quip similar to my father

(cut to me dialing phone) horrendous heartbreaking call to parents to tell them I won’t be coming home that I’ve killed a man and I’m going to begin stealing cars

(cut scene to time later) I go in with a woman from the gang we are using real estate information to find out which homes to rob (new business)