Whatever At Best

This has been a crazy week at work for sure.  I didn’t have to work on Monday, seeing as it was MLK day, so that was nice, but once work got started on Tuesday stuff just started popping off. Obviously, Tuesday was a big day seeing as how it was inauguration day for President Obama. I decided to give my students an early break so they could take the time to go and see it. A few of my students said they weren’t going to watch it because they don’t like Obama. When I asked them why, they said because he is black! I couldn’t believe it. I asked them where they were from (I’ve had them in class for a month or two now, but I don’t remember unimportant things about my students like where they’re from) and there were 2 from Georgia and 1 from North Carolina. Figures that racism like that would come from the south. Anyways, seeing as I’m their Sergeant, and they’re just privates, I smoked the shit out of them for being so closed minded (“smoking” a private means to make them do a large amount of exercise until their muscles are “smoked”).  Pretty much the entire break that the rest of the class was gone, those 3 privates were doing push ups. Good for them, those racists will be strong at least. Anyways, not much else happened on Tuesday of note, unless you count me yelling at a random private for trying to go into the bathroom while they were closed for cleaning at the end of the day. So on Wednesday, one of my students didn’t do his homework the previous night. Rather than take responsibility for having not done his assignment, he started stuttering off all sorts of excuses about having had duty the night prior and then falling asleep and all sorts of other nonsense. This isn’t the first time he’s had some sort of random excuse for not completing an assignment, so after giving him extra homework (and pushups) I went ahead and deemed that his new nickname is now “Private Excuses.” He didn’t seem to take too well to this new nickname, as he complained about it and disrupted class throughout the day.  So, after class was over Wednesday, I went home and had a quick dinner, then headed out to my new favorite Wednesday night poker game at the bar.  I got myself a Dos Equis (I secretly like Dos Equis) and took a seat and waited for the game to begin. A few minutes before the start of the game, 4 new players walked in, the 4 students I have had issues with this week! They were there with 3 of their friends from other classes, but I couldn’t believe that all 4 of them managed to walk into the place I was hanging out at after work. Luckily for me, they were seated at another table, so I just ignored them and hoped I wouldn’t have to sit at the same table as them once people started getting eliminated from the game. So as I played, I continued to drink Dos Equis (because I secretly like Dos Equis) and had a nice buzz going once the first break came.  I went outside to talk with a few of the regulars during the break, when the group of students decided to confront me.  Without quoting all the vulgarity, I’ll sum it up to say that they basically voiced their unhappiness with how I treated them during the week.  I told them to get over it. I’m the instructor, they’re not, that’s just how it goes. So once break was over I went back inside and they had consolidated the players to 2 tables, and I happened to have one of my racist students as well as Private Excuses sitting at the same table as me now. They did a lot of talking as we played. They were smart, didn’t say anything totally direct so as I would be able to take UCMJ action against them (Uniform Code of Military Justice). I tried to ignore them, and drank more delicious Dos Equis (I secretly like Dos Equis) in order to help myself do just that. Eventually, myself and Private Excuses got into a hand together and I ended up knocking him out of the game. He accused me of cheating and made a huge scene there in the bar. Pretty soon everyone at the table was yelling at either him or me, and I was yelling too. I told him to go eff himself amongst other things. His buddies came and joined in the argument, and soon there were people restraining them and keeping them away from me as apparently they were angry and drunk enough to want to start a fight. The bouncer finally kicked out most of the group, but one of my racist privates who was still in the game was allowed to stay. Throughout the rest of the game, a lot of talk was done amongst everyone about the scene that had unfolded. I told everyone that those guys were not worth thinking about, and that everyone should just forget about them. I could see my student who was still in the game giving me the stink eye, but I didn’t care. Him and his buddies are all assholes, and I’m not afraid to tell anyone that. So eventually the other racist student of mine gets knocked out, and I get knocked out not too long after him. I think I ended up in like 6th place or something. I finished up my last Dos Equis (I secretly like Dos Equis, and was on like my 8th in about 3 hours) and headed out front, where I was immediately met by the group of students of mine who had been playing there. I told them to get out of my face, and that if they tried to start anything they would be sorry now (when I whipped their asses) and later (when I put them in for UCMJ). It didn’t seem to phase them. There were 7 of them total, and I’d guess more than half of them had been drinking. Private Excuses shoved me, and I told him he better not do that again. Right away the group attacked me. All 7 of them throwing punches and the occasional kick. Now I’m no stranger to fighting, I’ve had a lot of training being in the Army, but 1 on 7 is damn near impossible. I got a few good licks in, and I know I gave Private Excuses a black eye, but I was just overpowered by their numbers. I took a lot of punches, but I managed to keep my feet throughout the battle. Suddenly, the fight was broken up by flashing police lights. I guess they had been hanging out in the parking lot looking for possible DUI targets. The cops got out and broke everything up and started asking everyone what the story was behind the fight. The students tried to concoct some story saying I was the aggressor and that I had been attempting to steal one of their girlfriends, but other people who had been playing poker with us gave their input and eventually the cops discovered the truth. They called for additional cars to come so they could take the students away, and as they waited they talked with me about my plans. I told them I was just planning to go home for the night, and they asked if I planned on driving myself. Obviously, I was drunk, and apparently that was showing. Now, I didn’t just avoid getting arrested for fighting only to be picked up for drunk driving, so I decided I’d make the smart move and leave my car at the bar overnight. I told the cops that I would not be driving myself, but that I was ready to go home. They asked me to make sure I had nothing else to add to my statement about the fight, and once I assured them it was complete, I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said “fresh” and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought “Nah, forget it.” “Yo Holmes, to Bel-Air!”